The Jumper

     Here is one about the fella who you want to work with because of his carefree attitude but don't want working for you due to his "Ain't my problem." awnser to everything. The Jumper is the guy on the crew with no real connection to much. Confused about his political standpoint, no real opinion on hard social issues and a general aloof air about him. He might not have a family and any real kind of real social obligation to much. Some are young and some are old that really does not seem to be a contributing factor.  He comes into a work site on a truly temporary basis with a don't really care attitude and a bag small enough to hitch a ride with.

  The Jumper goes from job to job taking the cash money gigs and lets you know he is leaving tomorrow everyday that you work with him. Forever stories of where the "Big Money" jobs are and how he knows all the foremen and supers that want him to come work for them.  Stories of what has been done and where they have been fill the air when they speak. Seeming to be great tellers of stories it is easy to get caught up in the romance of the lifestyle. Like a mid evil sword for hire telling stories of all their great conquests, fair (sometimes not so fair) maidens and dragons they have slayed without ever speaking of the emptyness that exists without  routine and home. They Jumper will sometimes sway a Newbie to come on the next gig with them with the promises of wealth and prosperity. Unknowingly a Newbie here and there starts on the path of the Jumper giving up stability for the unknown adventure that waits behind every new gate pass.

   The Jumper is usually a hard worker thou there are the Slackers amongst them as well. They will tend to do a specific task very well and are not shy to tell you when they are out of their comfort zone with the work they are doing. This is usually the time when the Jump happens. The Jumper does not have to put up with any of the stresses of regular 9-5. If the pressure builds it seems to be the recoil activator for the Jumper and off they go again. Ain't my problem anymore I am off to the next one without a hesitation or a look back about them. Landing again in a new place free of all the restraints from the last  place where they saw the lashes of restriction beginning to be thrown up upon them. Seeing the routine of many people as a type of being tied down like Guliver in his travels.

   Well this is the easiest of all to place in the animal kingdom. I did think of the Kangaroo for a second or two but the Frog just seems like a much better casting partner for The Jumper. Any small twitch or movement that would make the Frog uncomfortable and off they go bounding through the air in search of a new lilly pad where meby the flies are more plentiful and the water a little warmer. Sometimes landing in prosperity and sometimes landing in the latter. Its a 50/50 chance for the one who leaps first and looks second.

    

The Lifer

     Here is one about that guy or gal that's been here way too long and needs to either retire or at least have a minor coronary to have some time off and give everyone else a break for a bit. Taking time off is not thought about as they feel when they got back the place would be a mess.  A real company man/woman who have confused life and work into one thing.  You know who they are when you see them wearing all the company clothes that were given to them. They have a tendency to feel everyone is trying to steal their job or make them look bad. Looking at everyone out of the corner of their eye and talking about them from the side of their mouth. Only befriending people out of need and status as if they are playing a real life game of workplace survivor. Last person standing wins.

     The Lifer is the one who will feel the need to tell the supervisor if they think you are using excessive cream in your coffee or have not brought back a screwdriver from 6 month ago to the tool crib. They have a feeling that costing the company money is out of their very own pocket. The company to them is their lifeblood or extended dysfunctional family,they believe they are truly part of its every function.  Leaving the company is not in their thought patten as they truly believe that the company will not continue to function without them there. Setting in place a sense of false security where there is dependency  in that the company needs them to be here. That they are doing them a favor. Then also creating a sense of entitlement to themselves where they deserve certain privileges that should not be also given to the other employees such as Jumpers and Newbies. Layoffs are devastating to the Lifer and are not even in their thought pattern. When they do happen the Lifer feels like they have been blind sided. Like they are getting a divorce the day after a trip to Disney land. Security may be needed to be called in to remove them as their tendency to go "Postal" is very high.

     Difficult to get along with but a lot of fun to play with here are a few things that you can tell to the Lifer to make your day a little more enjoyable. 1. Layoffs are coming: Well holy crap you just stirred up a hornets nest of controversy and survivor tactics that Adolf Hitler himself would be proud of. The Lifer needs to have all the latest news on whats happening and who is leaving. Making sure to place themselves in a better position if possible after every new hint of news. 2. Were getting a safety award. Eager to replace the shirt from '98 or that old stained coffee cup they will seek this out like a hound dog on a fox. When they find out that it was just a rumor the Lifer is devastated and may take the rest of the shift to get back to their normal selves. They wallowing in despair that it was all too good to be true. 3. Tell them some random rumor such as " I hear ( The person who is one step above them) is leaving, but don't tell anyone he/she has not announced this yet. "  Their eyes will light up with the anticipation and awe. This is the goal of the Lifer to ascend the ladder of function. Moving one step up and one step further away from the inevitable axe that swings in the construction industry. Then the fun part is to wait and see how long it is until someone comes in and tells you the rumor that you have started. The Lifer can't keep their mouth shut about things like that. This may go on for weeks until it reaches a level and get quashed in a safety meeting by someone in management. Rumors like this can grow to outrageous size if left to balloon by themselves.


    Now to pair this one with one single animal is tricky as they display numerous different traits and some are only fabricated ones for survival. So that right there would be the greatest clue as to what one should pick. The animal that will recreate itself for the basis of survival as a defense skill would lead towards the Chameleon.  No great defense tactic other than its ability to blend in and move away with hopes of being passed over. Their hunter then grabbing another poor unsuspecting creature.

    

Homeless Millionaire

     Here are two types of people who are very often confuse for being the same one. The Homeless Millionaire or "HM" for now on, is the person who appears to be homeless when you meet them. (Go figuire... just wait.)  They will have a poorly shaven face because the disposable razor they have used for the last 6 months is as dull as a 2x4. Lunch is always interesting as they bring oddities like pickled herring and homemade concoctions that nobody else bothers asking what it is. Don't ask! You don't want to know and if you do ask then you will have to change lunchrooms before you can enjoy your own food again. Clothing will be old and frayed, boots the same soles sometimes flapping and their hardhat is probably expired. Slightly hunched and fingers frail and wired. Slow walking and seem to shuffle along wherever they go. There is a layer of could be dirt or could just be age on them. The appearance of being slightly tarnished like an old piece of silver that has not been taken care of. A musty smell follows them and an air of mystery. So you may be wondering how are there two of these HM's? Well that is the part that is amazing!


     You may have worked with the first type of HM for some time getting to know them and enjoying their conversation and general gentle persona before it happens. Then the odd chance you see it.... the pocket book. This is the one discerning thing that separates the 2 HM's. He will either deal with strictly large wads of cash due to lack of trust to financial institutions or a little cheque book where every penny since 1964 has been collected. This man is the real deal millionaire. Having saved and pinched every penny they have made since they started working he has amassed a pile of wealth that he sits on. Strangely thou this man blinded and will never see themselves as wealthy. He sadly will often take it to the grave with them, unable to see what they have accumulated. Only focusing on the constant increase they never get the satisfaction of hitting the finish line. The home life for this HM is simple a small house and a little fishing boat, usually a widower or has a wife with distant grown up children that he has pushed away due to working so hard their whole lives and putting family second. He truly lives to receive the pay statement and add the numbers to his impressive bankroll.


     Now the second HM. Being so far from the first is it amazing that they both seem to personify the same character. Jagged and untrusting here is the one you keep at arms legnth. This is the man who could have been a millionaire but is just homeless or living in a low cost apartment with roommates at 50+ years old. The factors that have created this person are limited to usually three. 1. They are divorced 3 times and living with their girlfriend while they are happy to just be paying alimony now that the kids are all out of the ex's houses. 2. They have pickled themselves with alcohol over many years and spent the rest of it all on gambling.  The position now is that they live cheque to cheque and have open credit accounts at their local pubs and liquor stores. 3. Crack. The horrible drug has grabbed onto them and its been years since they lost their homes and families to the addiction. Now just chasing jobs to fuel their ongoing dependency and sucking back the smoke from death itself every chance they get.  This HM's all clouded by their surroundings they have created for themselves. They can only see the weekly pay cheque and have lost the desire to enjoy other parts of life. Their addictions or downfalls now wrapping their heads like a darkly shaded veil they cannot see past the end of their fingertips in life.

     The oddness of the two Homeless Millionaires and the one similarity between them has led me to pair them with this animal. Being that they are so different but share the same trait of outer blindness as to their surroundings makes them the Bat. Unable to see, living in the dark and well there is that smell too them create this link between man and animal.

Petro Hippie

    So been a while but here we go again. Today's blog is called the Petro Hippie. I was a little taken back when I first met one of these friendly fellows as to what to really think of them. We met at dinner I remember because it was steak night and he was at the time enjoying a large bowl of hummus and dried pita chips. Commenting on how great the hummus was and that he was surprised that the camp served couscous in the salad bar. Something did not strike me as normal right off the hop here. It was staring directly at the needle in the haystack. Then I began to notice them....... lots of them! Sticking out in the crouds be it with their short beaked hemp hats, I-pads wrapped in what appears to be organic denim slings, and gathering in small groups around the soy milk. It was a strange revelation as if the "Organic" wool had been pulled off my eyes.

    The Petro Hippie is just that a green grass loving, commune living, festival volunteering Hippie. They may drive an old school bus and serve wraps at your favorite festival, or be the prius driver on the weekends at the farmers market. They just happens to make a living in the largest industrial pollution machine the great white north has ever seen. By day they blast hundreds of thousands of barrels of black sludge to refineries across north America contributing to the ongoing siege that is global warming and Capitalism. By days off signing petitions to save the ducks or enjoying their time debating in trendy coffee shops the turmoils mother earth is currently facing. They hold hands across  the table over their $10 fair trade espressos ( That guess who paid for) saying they can feel her pain. They then plan to have a meditation at the park with the rest of their Petro Hippie friends when they get off shift from Tarsand land. I am sorry I do understand there are energies that make the world up and their flow is amazing but its hard to feel them when your life is a lie.

    Now I am not sure if these urine masking friendly folks hide their "Dark side" from their unknowing real Earth friendly friends at whole foods. I am thinking thou that somebody has to have a clue how they can afford the latest hemp pants, Organic cotton T's and never mind the $50,000 Ford escape Hybrid.  Either they are paying off the other hippies with lbs of  quin oi and hemp seeds or they are like some kind disguised crusader who feels they are balancing their carbon footprint of a couple megatons of carbon with a 20x20 community Garden. Swooping off to do their job in the carbon releasing tar pits weeks at a time then returning to la la land like everything is going to be o.k. and feel they are making a difference. While all their hard working true to earth friends are none the wiser and just think the soap business is really taking off for them.

  The animal that I would pair the Petro Hippie with is a strange one. Seeing as the Petro Hippie is really unsure of what their natural surroundings should be, does not really understand who they truly are and quite frankly confuses the heck out of everyone else who sees what they do. You my sideways talking flip flopping friend are the platypus, cause frankly I think the platypus wakes up some days and says "What they hell?"