There is "The Real Deal" being an older fella most of the time sporting a striking piece of facial hair and pony tail. "The Real Deal" actually has a pretty cool bike he managed to keep out of the clutches from his divorce back in the 80's. He could probably be the grandpa that you never met because he is either always gone to Sturgis or your parents were just kinda scared to introduce you into that influence when you were young. He's an ornery ole guy with old faded tattoos of anchors and poorly drawn naked women. The scars on his face show the war wounds of a highway full of projectiles. Over the years they have tenderized cheeks and performed on the spot dental extractions. These are the ones who never wear their colors around and usually have them. "The Real Deal" in the biker world deserves some respect.
Then on the opposite end of the two wheel rainbow is "The Flamer" being the young kid you remember almost pasting to a guardrail when he cut you off on his sewing machine sounding rice rocket. He is very often seen wearing his leather jacket complete with elbow and back pads around town while the bike is parked at home. Ball cap on head when he is riding his bike or spiky douche hair do when just strutting around in Joe Rocket or Alpinestar gear. Very often there is the young girl with t-bar underwear sitting on the back of his 400 lb rocket. Kinda dumb and unaware that at any moment "The Flamer" will attempt his famous 5 foot wheelie. Making here an instant you-tube sensation titled "Cute girl on motorcycle Fail." Sometimes I can't help but laugh at seeing some princess skidding down the road in flip flops and daisy dukes as "The Flamer" attempts to jog on pavement while doing 60 km/hr. Hey then again maybe its just me.
In between you have "The Learner" who is a young guy on a small cruiser that kinda looks out of place with his full face helmet. His skin has not toughened up yet from a barrage of bugs and small stones. He will be wearing a brand new jacket with whatever name his bike is. This jacket is always spic and span no bugs or scratches appear at all on the pristine leather. "The Learner" likes to listen to stories told by "The Real Deal" and dreams of someday rolling into Sturgis. If he does end up heading to Sturgis he will be taking his truck with a couple of buddies and their trailered bikes to the camp site outside of town. Simply so its not a very far ride into town for festivities and they can keep their jackets free of bug guts.
" The faker" usually a person of wealth that has purchased an expensive custom chopper from a television show or professional builder. Having made the purchase to give some sort of rebel appeal to his boring suburban lifestyle when he is not driving his four door Beamer. Always rides alone as he has no friends at the country club that dare make the move towards motorcycles as their status or wives will not allow them. He is a rebel amongst his friends and a knob to most everyone else he waves to on the highway. Sporting brand new top end gear he is a walking "for everything else there is visa" advertisement. There is a second kind of faker as well. He is not rich and may have a bike but not always. He is easily spotted by his wearing "Support Red and White" clothing. Never an associate himself he wears his wannabe colors strutting around thinking he is bad ass and demands respect. "The Faker" in this instance tends to just disappear sometimes and nobody seems to know where they went or really remember them.
"The Vespa" simply the gay guy on a scooter usually found is small gangs and are good for a chuckle. I have nothing against gay people. Just scooters. "The Vespa" seems to somehow suit them perfectly. It would be odd to see a guy wearing a scarf in the summer on a Fatboy. Vespas work for their riders style. "The Vespas" keep to their own and tend to congregate around cafes and stores that have green or organic in their name. You may frequently get stuck behind a group of them in the slow lane. Take a second and watch them drive while sipping some kind of beverage that I cannot pronounce while chatting to the person beside them. Their trademark long scarf flapping in the wind dangerously darting towards the spinning rear tire. Ever threatening to lop off the unsuspected riders head in a quick grab and jerk.
Then the last one I will list is " The HD Wannabe" this is my absolute favorite to see around work as they appear in multitudes. Here we have the fella who has never owned a bike but religiously shops at Harley Davidson bike dealerships to purchase everything from them. His Christmas presents from family include Harley Davidson picture frames and HD key chains from the kids. His collection of t-shirts from around the world are brought back for him from friends and relatives to help feed his addiction. He owns those stupid looking Harley Davidson bandannas (oh how I hate them!!) to cover a bald spot, $45 Jockey shorts with HD written on them and various other knickknacks and items that have nothing to do with a motorcycle but are all brandished with emblems of motorcycles. This man has a love affair with the name brand Harley Davidson possibly even a fetish at times. If he were to sell all his HD memorabilia he could afford a bike himself but sadly will never make the purchase.
A comparison to the animal kingdom for the biker is a difficult one as there are so many different types to try and fit into a single animal. So for this I have to say "The Biker" is like the skunk. They have a certain appeal that makes people want to go near them or even touch them to see if they are something other than what you have been told by others. Yet once you get that close to one you will never forget and walk across the road to avoid the next one.
Cheers!
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