I will start with "The Food Hoarder" that seems to display their fetish with food in the cafeteria meal line. In the camps there is a buffet set up you have all witnessed before. I am not sure if you have all had the privilege of seeing the Sunday afternoon buffet table after "The Hoarder" passes thru. It looks something like the American south after a series of tornadoes decide to throw some things around. You stare in amazement and wonder how that much coleslaw ended up in the Salsa tray and where the 150 packets of plum sauce you just saw went to. "The Food Hoarder" has not yet figured out they offer seconds. A careful combination of culinary engineering and balance is required to get "The Hoarders" food tray back to the table. A very specific method of stacking of solids on the bottom, growing slowly to a tower of flimsy or mushy food on top. Tends to be how the plate stacks up offering amazing displays without collapse. Structural engineers stare at these creations in amazement as "The Food Hoarder" waddles past them to their destination of sloth.
Once they reach their excavation site the table creaks under the weight of the tray while you can almost hear the poor chair wince in pain. Now the destruction begins. The fork and spoon become instruments of extraction shoveling loads of mixed up tornado debris into a recycling pit. "The Food Hoarder" has found their rhythm. Load after load of a once delicate structure are now being decimated to the silent joy of "The Food Hoarder". Glasses of standing diet soda stand lined up in front of the once great tower are slowly being drained to keep the seemingly enormous pit from hitting backlog and having to shutdown. Then it happens......."The Food Hoarder" hits what they call in their group "The Wall". It happens to runners in marathons and other humans who display amazing feats. "The Food Hoarder" can devour no more. They stare at a still half full plate of food and the 2 desserts that remain as if to convince the food that it would like to be eaten but alas 'The Hoarder is finished. With a swipe of napkins across the soiled lips they toss to the grease covered ball into the demolished tower that lies in shambles "The Hoarder" is done for now. Picking up the tray they walk to the rack where other half full plastic trays hold messes created for sinful pleasure and park their tray. About to walk away they look one more time at what they have created and a glimmer come to their eye. The Brownie.... plucking the tender moist brownie from the small glass plate it was displayed upon to tempt "The Food Hoarder" they walk away they grin in joyful triumph and attack the defenceless dessert with absolute aggression. Slamming the brown lump of goo to the back or their mouth from the palm of their hand. Chocolate oozes from between the gnashing teeth as with only a few open mouth chomps the deed is done and "The Food Hoarder" slowly moves on until the next tour of destruction.
Now we come to the "The Site Hoarder". At our jobs we have a thing called a tool crib. You go there to pick up any tool under the blue sky, use it until you are done with it and then hopefully return it. If you don't return it sometimes the guy at the tool crib will give you a little random list that tells you what you have to return before you can get anything else. No problemo so you have to go on a little scavenger hunt and pull secret missions sometimes to snag tools away from unsuspecting pipe fitters so that you can return what is on your list of things required. This is generally the normal way that things work and I had to explain that before I got into how "The Site Hoarder" works in these situations.
"The Site Hoarder" only takes and never returns. He will be a skiddish fellow who is always looking around for something but you never know what it is. If you are very good friends with this person you are lucky as only a select few are allowed into his private stash of company goodies. I truly believe that some "Site Hoarders" have gone so far as to start burying tools in boxes around site as if to set up their own elaborate string of personal tool cribs. Tucked into corners of buildings and up on scaffolds you will find job boxes with thick dust on them. These are signs of "The Site Hoarder". The easiest ways to identify 'The Site Hoarder" is that they have lots of keys on their key chain. They are no more important than you are with that one key and yet when they pull out their key chain they remind you of that Janitor you had in kindergarten. His keys were on large hoop earring looking thing with a retractable tether that only a 5 year old would look at as cool. When asked what all the keys are for you simply get the anwser "What keys?" as they slowly disappear back into his pocket and you my friend will never see that key ring again. Feeling threatened that his well constructed network is in danger of exposure he will never share a tool with you again.
The most interesting day to watch "The Site Hoarder" is on spring clean up days. This is when locks are busted off boxes and everything is rounded up as the tool crib guy is running out of stock. On this day "The Site Hoarder" has a mix of emotions. The feeling around the area is that of an old fashioned execution where all the townspeople stand and watch the (Executioner) take the bolt cutters and pop locks off of boxes. The stress can be seen on his face as he watches for some of his hidden boxes to be taken up to the chopping block and have their lock snapped off as if a guillotine came down on a co-conspirators neck. As the lid opens to reveal thousands of dollars in company tools "The Site Hoarder" is the first to yell "No wonder I could not find any tools look at this guys box!" or "Why can't people just return their tools so we can all use them!" Attempting to push the obvious blame away from his direction. Causing muffled noise from the crowd that has gathered and waiting for the next victim to have its lock cut off. The next few days "The Site Hoarder" roams in his depression slowly gathering up again and taking stock of what was not discovered by the company men who came in the night and drug his boxes away.
These are two different types of people requiring two different animals to represent them. 'The Food Hoarder" gets the great white shark. This is because during times of plenty the great white is known for simply taking bites out of its prey and not finishing the meal. The same vicious attack on unsuspecting and almost always defenceless prey make key match for "The Food Hoarder".
"The Site Hoarder" will be the average tree squirrel. Both tend to store up a large amounts of materials. The squirrel his nuts for winter and "The Site Hoarder" for his own use. In the spring the squirrel has to start all over as does "The Site Hoarder" after spring cleaning drives take place. Hope you enjoyed again.
Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment